6 Ways To Support Someone With Depression

No one knows the pain of watching someone walk through depression like those who have to watch them suffer up close.

My husband had no idea what he was getting into when I entered into a very long season of living underneath what I can only describe as a time of true hopelessness.

It can be extremely difficult for those who are close to the situation to even know in what ways to help so I asked my husband what advice he would give from what he learned and this is what he shared.

1. Listen: Don’t try and fix them just listen to what they are feeling.

It is so easy to want to give advice and ideas of how to feel better, it is only natural, but those battling depression are already thinking through everything that is wrong with them and all the ways they have tried to feel better and nothing is working. Although there is a time for movement and intervention, for the most part they need someone who will sit with them and not rush them to be a more acceptable and easier version of themselves.

2. Don’t take it personal

In my depression, I was incredibly angry. I was also incredibly mean to Daniel as I felt constant berating within my own head. Not taking this personal takes a special person, which he certainly is, but when things come up or even blow up if you can remind yourself that their brain is not functioning in the right way and that this is not actually about you, it will help you move through it with more ease yourself.

3. Don’t shame them

He shared that it was important that he didn’t shame me or criticize me to not act like that, to get it together, to just act different. This actually exasperates the problem, as previously mentioned, they are already beating themselves up so much this is like a nail in the coffin they are already building all day, every day, for themselves.

4. Let them rest but not over rest

So many times I would want to be in bed all day every day. Because Daniel is so lighthearted and goofy he would come in and ask me, “Why you being Willy Wonka?” referring to the grandparents who would lay in bed all day. He said he would give me that day, but not the next day. He would plan for us to go out and do something so as he said, I wouldn’t slip into a deeper “rest-pression”.

5. Treat it as a sickness like they had cancer- don’t brush it off as bad behavior or a bad mood

Something was off in my brain chemistry. It wasn’t who I was before and it’s not who I am now. If I could have pulled myself out of it, I would have done it a million times. Although I believe in my case it had a lot to do with spiritual things, it was important for Daniel as he supported me to take it as seriously as any other illness.

6. Pray

There were many nights when I was beside myself, when I didn’t see a way through and when Daniel didn’t know what to say or what to do. This really hurt me during that time but so many times in the middle of the night I would feel his hand on my back. He was praying for me. He said he wouldn’t pray I would act better or be different, but that I would be healed in my mind.

None of these things are simple or easy. There were many things that we didn’t handle the best and made our way through like fumbling through the dark. It was hard on both of us.

In the end, when I wanted Daniel to fix me, he could not. I had to make a lot of choices to fight when I didn’t feel like I could. I needed counseling, I needed medication, I needed support, I needed God to do a deep work in me that only He could do.

But God was faithful, we learned and we made it through and what I was so grateful for in the end was that Daniel kept remembering who I was, who he fell in love with, and stood as my grounding point when I was unhinged in all aspects.

I know it can be hard and draining, but I am thankful for the strength of the Lord to allow us to love beyond our capabilities.